Come Clean
by Seiren Sekito
Summary: A songfic through Matt's POV. His thoughts on his friendship with Mello from their Wammy days until the end.


**AN: This is my first songfic, and I don't quite know what inspired me to write it for such a scene… Maybe it was because of the fact that it was the first Note-related thing that I ever saw. Or rather, that episode of the anime.**

**As for the lyrics, I did NOT look them up, but rather, I played by ear. So if it's wrong, it's wrong. *shrugs***

**Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't sell. I don't do /court. Let's keep it that way. 8D**

**[Playlist: "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff (lol DUH).]**

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**Come Clean**  
**By Seiren Sekito**

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_Let's go back…_  
_Back to the beginning…_  
_Back to when the Earth, the Sun, the Stars all aligned…_  
_Cause perfect_  
_Didn't feel so perfect_  
_Tryin to find its way into the circle of its life_

He was a closed case before I'd even attempted to open him. The first cold glare that he sent my way not only intrigued me, but aroused an insatiable desire to break him. There wasn't a single kid who wouldn't give him the time of day, and whilst L himself advised me to leave it be, I refused. Even throughout our schooling I knew he wasn't good enough. He couldn't stop his taunts, his threats, his thoughts of constant humiliation of being second. He'd had some imperfections, but why did he have to collect them all together and shove his face into them? And yet, he persevered. Was it his iron will, or his stubborn disposition that drove him to prove himself better than Near? Even as he fell further and further from his goals, losing sight entirely of his original plans, he didn't leave. I wouldn't let him leave. He reflected what everything else had made him experience, an angry, icy façade, serving to protect himself from breaking altogether. Such a strong kid.

_Let the rain fall down_  
_and wake my dreams_  
_Let it wash away_  
_my sad melody_  
_Cause I wanna feel the thunder_  
_I wanna scream_  
_Let the rain fall down_  
_I'm comin' clean_  
_I'm comin' clean_

I won't lie – it took a hell of a long time to coax him into accepting me as a friend. What was so damn bad about having someone – not just someone, but the guy in third place – offer you friendship, loyalty, protection? An everlasting protection I'd sworn an oath to? Was he so far gone into his own solitudinal world that he was beyond allowing someone to care for him? Did he know how to love? He always seemed to find a way to keep me right there, waiting. If he hadn't of chosen to walk away, I still would've waited for him. I could never find the right words to say. He was so goddamn independent, refusing to bend, so I bent for him. Unfortunately…I bent until I broke.

_I'm shedding_  
_Shedding every color_  
_Tryin' to find a pigment of dream_  
_Beneath my skin_  
_Cause different_  
_Doesn't feel so different_  
_Cause going out is always better_  
_than stayin' in_

He admired L, I know he did. I noticed the differentiation in his behavior when the detective was mentioned, around L himself, but more often than not, around his own self. He became more confident. I had more faith in this one boy than I had in the other hundreds of children at the orphanage. I believed he could make it, but did he? If he did, I suppose, he wouldn't have missed his last exam and lost to Near again. Why was he here? I was the closest thing to a friend he had. I'd kept myself as third for a reason, and yet it seemed to escape him entirely. It hurt to see him make the same mistakes, say all the wrong things, and then scream at his own failure. If he could channel that anger into more productive things, he'd do well.

_Let the rain fall down_  
_and wake my dreams_  
_Let it wash away_  
_my sad melody_  
_Cause I wanna feel the thunder_  
_I wanna scream_  
_Let the rain fall down_  
_I'm comin' clean_  
_I'm comin' clean_

The day that he left was one I would remember for eternity (however long _that_ lasted); the crestfallen emotion in those beautiful blue eyes as he admitted to giving Near the position he so coveted. While the everyone mourned L's passing and celebrated Near's succession, he dragged his feet across the matting of the hall, passing me with not so much as a glance in my direction. That hurt me the most – did he blame me, for his failure? I insisted on joining him, embracing him in my arms with the offer of protection and loyalty still standing strong. I would always be there for him, even when the rest of the world turned its back on him. I loved him, more like a brother than anything, and nothing could get between him and I. That's the way it was supposed to stay. My wish was really, really short lived.

_Let's go back…_  
_Let's go back…_  
_Rain fall down_  
_I'm comin' clean_  
_Rain fall down_  
_Rain fall down_  
_Let the rain fall_  
_Let the rain fall_  
_I'm coming…_

Even after I took care of his burns, I couldn't imagine leaving his side. Throughout the years of without him, and the sudden reunion, my promise remained pinned firmly to the deepest walls of my heart. It will never leave, even after I'm and buried six feet under. That's not too long away, now that I think about it. When I found myself being followed with most of that Takada bitch's guards, the first, and _only_ thing on my mind was to get them _all_ to follow me. I'd never driven so fast in all of my life. My priority was and is, first and foremost, to protect him. And if that meant sleepless nights soothing his wounds and listening to him rant and rave, I was going to do it. I was going to die for him. Pun intended.

_Let the rain fall down_  
_and wake my dreams_  
_Let it wash away_  
_my sad melody_  
_Cause I wanna feel the thunder_  
_I wanna scream_  
_Let the rain fall down_  
_I'm comin' clean_

To be honest, as all these Japanese guards surrounded me, about to kill me, I was scared as hell. Not for my own life, but for Mello's. That boy – that man – was everything I'd taken real pride in. I'd plucked him out of the depths of solitude and helped make him into something worthwhile. Although to me, he'd always been worthwhile. The tension in the air when I exited the car and was aimed at? Hadn't felt it. Joked about it, actually. But all of those bullets pounding shot after shot of lead into my body? Hell yeah I had felt that. But even so, I couldn't think of myself then, only Mello. Was he alive? ? Would he beat Near this time? Would Kira kill him and have his body so well hidden it wouldn't be found until it started to rot? Only after I had departed were my prayers answered. My senses were just sharp enough as the paramedics arrived, and as they worked furiously to staunch my flow, I knew there was no way for me to survive. As the endless darkness of crawled toward my bruised, y, broken self, I forced myself to smile my last.

_Let the rain fall down_  
_(I'm comin' clean)_  
_and wake my dreams_  
_(I'm comin' clean)_  
_Let it wash away_  
_(I'm comin' clean)_  
_my sad melody_

There was no denying that I loved him now. I had to tell him so, but it was physically impossible. So I thought it. _Live for me. Breathe for me. Fight for me._ No matter how badly he wanted us to both come out alive, it was time for me to move on. MU was waiting for me, right? Please, don't let your emotions consume you. Live for me, smile for me, fight for me. Love for me. I can feel the easing now, as my heart finally slows. It's time to go now. _I love you, Mels. See you in MU, okay?_

_Cause I wanna feel the thunder_  
_(let the rain fall)_  
_I wanna scream_  
_(let the rain fall)_  
_Let the rain fall down_  
_(let the rain fall)_  
_I'm comin' clean_  
_(let the rain fall down)_

As the newscasters arrive on the scene, I let my eyes close. It was nice, having all that I had. No matter what, Mello, even through , I'll be here. Just…where you can't see me. I'll be with you, fighting with you, through you, all up until it's your turn to come to MU. The last of breath is adorned with a peaceful smile, and with the last beat of my heart, I let myself go.

**_Goodbye, Mello._**

_Let's go back…_  
_Back to the beginning…_

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**FIN**

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**Final AN:** Please ignore the small complication that Mello dies not long after this. Thanks! -SS


End file.
